American League West

This four-team division is a strange one. On the one hand, the team with some of the best fans have watched their team decline consistently since a record-breaking season. On the other, you've got a team that doesn't even know who exactly they are. Plus there are two other teams that have combined to go 0-6 in postseason series in the last ten years.

Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim I'm doing this against my better judgment. This is a tem of mostly old men. Sure, you've got the wonderful Vladimir Guerrero, but they're ancient in many other spots. They may have enough to win, however. It all depends on whether the Athletics are able to pull off another value miracle.

Oakland Athletics They were some team a few years ago. The big three pitchers, the Giambi brothers, Chavez and Tejada. Almost everyone is gone now and they have started anew. Unlike other sell-hungry teams, though, the Athletics have done it right. I am not sure if this mostly nameless group are ready yet. But I also would not be surprised to see them on top of this division.

Seattle Mariners I want Seattle to do better than this. Why? One of my favorite players in baseball is a Mariner. I-C-H-I-R-O !!! He is as throwback as throwback gets. He had an offyear in 2005, but I bet he'll rebound. This guy just plain hits. He will be the first Japanese player in Cooperstown. He's amazing. I just wish there was a complete team around him.

Texas Rangers Do you ever get the sense that some teams are just made to be bad. It's like the Rangers in hockey. New York has the Yankees in baseball, so they must have a really bad counterpart -- hence the New York Rangers. In Dallas/Arlington, there is that football team that may have seen some success. So they must have a counterpart. And they are the Texas Rangers. Maybe it's just a Ranger thing. No matter -- a Soriano-less Texas team will not make a run like they did last year. Texans will be thinking football around April 15th.

Take The Weekend And Think About This

According to Merriam Webster's online dictionary, following is the definition of treason:

1 : the betrayal of a trust : treachery
2 : the offense of attempting by overt acts to overthrow the government of the state to which the offender owes allegiance or to kill or personally injure the sovereign or the sovereign's family

The People of the United States, according to the Declaration of Independence and the U.S. Constitution, are the sovereignty of the United States of America.

Would it not logically be deducted then, that actions against the people of the United States by members of its citizenry should be considered treason?

National League East

There was a petition to rename this division the Braves Division. Fortunately, it was declined. But still, fourteen consecutive division titles is just plain outstanding. Even though they won only one world series, Atlanta has been nothing short of a dynasty. It's time for the dynasty to come to an end.

Let's reflect on the NL East for a moment. They have been the most dominant senior circuit division since the six division alignment was created. They were the NL representative in the World Series in 1995, 96, 97, 99, 2000 and 2003. They won three of them. I have a feeling that they will return to "The Show" once again this season.

New York Mets That's right, the Amazin's are going to end the Braves' stranglehold on the NL East. The fact is, they are looking to be the most exciting team in baseball in 2006. They made all the right additions. Willie Randolph got his rookie mistakes under his belt. They are poised for greatness. Besides, how do you bet against Pedro Martinez, without or without a bum toe?

Atlanta Braves The Jones Bros. are not going to go down that easily. Not only will they give the Mets an exciting run for their money, but they should take the wild card, keeping at least their consecutive seasons in the playoffs alive. Each year, the Braves had new and more difficult challenges to face to maintain their phenomenal streak. Letting Leo Mazzone go to Baltimore is the thing that will finally bring it all to an end.

Washington Nationals I'm making a bold move here because I think the Phillies are the better team. But I watched how well Frank Robinson got this team to play last year and I know the Phillies have lost Thome and hurt Abreu by trying to deal him. I see them once again playing far above their talent level and stealing third place. They'll need to trade Soriano to do it, since he will not move to the outfield. But he plays second base -- a position that is currently short of talent -- and he can still flat out hit. There will be a market for him and the Nats will get something in return.

Philadelphia Phillies Down the wire this team has gone the last couple of season, only to nose dive toward the end. This weighs on a team. They are no doubt a talented bunch, but Philly needs to start over if they want to make a serious run. Trade away players, get as much back as you can, and start anew.

Florida Marlins Hard to believe that this is the second most successful franchise since the six division play, in terms of championships. They won the series just three seasons ago. They've never lost a postseason series in their history. Yet twice their ownership tore the team apart, leaving them a shell of their championship glory. The citizens of Miami deserve better ownsership than that. The Marlins won;t be the worst team in baseball in 2006, but they will be out of contention in a hurry.

As if on Queue

South Dakota has banned abortion.

This case will go up to the Supreme Court in short order. We already know the result.

The Founding Fathers fought for our freedoms. Millions came here to escape oppression in Europe and Asia to thrive in our liberties.

And now these anti-American, lying, evil members of the oligarchy are taking those freedoms away.

We defeated the tyranny of King George III. It's time we stand up and defeat the tyranny of George Bush II.

National League Central

This division drives me crazy. There are six teams, yet only four in the AL West. What kind of moron would align the league this way. Oh, that's right -- Bud Selig is commissioner. But I digress. This is the division that can boast the last two National League champs and the last two wild cards. But they're 0-8 in World Series games and I believe the time has come for a little changing of the guard. The Cards should still have barely enough to survive the division, riding on the coattails of the best player in baseball and a new stadium, but a shakeup is on the horizon.

St. Louis Cardinals The new stadium is going to excite this team and, as usual, Cardinal Nation will provide the Red Birds with a distinct homefield advantage. They lost some pitching and pride since last year, but they still have Albert Pujols and one of my favorite players in centerfield, Jim Edmonds. They topped 100 wins the last two seasons. They'll be hard pressed to do so in '06, but should still win.

Milwaukee Brewers I think a lot of people are picking the Cubs to place second, or even the Astros because of last season. I'm going to pick the Brewers. The Cubs rely too heavily on damaged goods in their rotation and, frankly, the Astros do not have a prayer without Roger Clemens. Since this division is not loaded with teams that spend a lot of money, it offers a great opportunity for those "small market" teams. I see a great season out of Ben Sheets and a wonderful performance out of Prince Fielder (is that a great baseball name or what?). Who knows -- maybe the Brewers can even steal the wild card.

Chicago Cubs I'm taking the Cubs next over the Astros despite the fact that I should know better. The Astros have much better pitching, even without Roger Clemens. Plus the Cubs two aces cannot stay healthy to save their souls. But the Cubs do have one thing going for them. Offense. I believe Derrek Lee was not a one season shot and they will enjoy Juan Pierre's amazing speed over there. Still, you win with pitching. The Cubs will have to wait till next year. Again.

Houston Astros Really, the division should stop here, because the other two teams are atrocious and embarrassing. The Astros proved last year that you really can win with pitching alone. Well, until you face Ozzie and Company. But the big three in their rotation were more formidable than any we've seen in years. Pettitte will be back, and will be terrific. Oswalt will again dazzle. But without Roger Clemens, this team's rotation will just be great (as opposed to terrifying). And with an offense as anemic as theirs, great just won't cut it.

Pittsburgh Pirates This is the team of Clemente, Stargell and Parker? The only reason I'm not picking them dead last is because as bad as they look, they can still pitch a little. And that's more than we can say for...

Cincinnati Reds If ever there was a player more deserving of a better break it's Ken Griffey Jr. It was he, and not Barry Bonds, who was the most exciting player of the 1990's. He was the "Chosen One" who was going to break all the records. Imagine where we'd all be now, if his injuries hadn't gotten the best of him. He, and not that San Francisco flaxseed oil man, would be staring at Babe Ruth. And all of America would be rooting like crazy for The Kid. Junior is still one of my favorite players and I was so happy to see him begin to return to form last year. But he needs out of Cincy. They may have the worst ownership in baseball and and even more troublesome pitching staff. The race will again be on to see if Adam Dunn can strike out 300 times in a season and if Austin Kearns can realize his potential. Personally, I'm hoping Junior gets traded to a contender. I want to see that famous smile again.

National League West

How is it that this once powerful division could have fallen so fast? The best of this division is mediocre. There are no very good teams here. Rather, there are three decent teams, one almost decent team and the worst team on the senior circuit. In a division such as this, one player can be the difference between first place and fourth.

Following is my predicted order of finish, and some reasons why:

San Diego Padres They won it last year with a worse record than the Mets. And although they didn't make many offseason moves, one stands out in my mind as a potential difference maker. Mike Piazza, old as he is in baseball years, is still a winner. He loves the game and he plays hard. Oh, and he can still hit a baseball. I believe he'll be rejuvenated away from New York and have one last hurrah of a season, and the Padres will eak out another division title.

Los Angeles Dodgers Two teams in baseball should be great every year: the Yankees and Dodgers. Love them or hate them, there is something missing in baseball when either or both of these teams fail to play up to their reputations. The Dodgers have done just that for a few years now, but I believe we are going to witness change, beginning in 2006. It will take some time, and I don't know if they are quite there yet, but the Dodgers will be a better team than last year. By 2007, they will be the Dodgers of old again.

San Francisco Giants They won a World Series in the Polo Grounds in 1954, then moved to the Bay and never one again. They won't win this year either. They have centered this team around one Barry Bonds. He is going to turn 42 this year and played very little last year. With drug testing as strict as it is now, I doubt he will be able to be Super Barry again. I also question whether he'll even complete the season. The Giants season will come down to Barry's passing Babe Ruth on the all-time home run list. That's about it.

Arizona Diamondbacks They had gone from the world champions to the league's worst team in four years, and then they get rid of their best pitcher. Still, they were a better team last year and I think they have the potential to get a little stronger. At the end of the decade, this division will come down to a new rivalry between the Dodgers and D'Backs. But we're not there yet.

Colorado Rockies I've read how they want to move the Devil Rays or the Marlins out of Florida. The Marlins, who play in Miami, have won two championships and only have fan problems because they get dismantled by ownership immediately after winning. And the Devil Rays suffer from their own ownership issues, coupled with this notion (which is false, by the way) that no one will top the Yankees and Red Sox in the AL East. The Rockies, however, are the one team that really do need to move. No one can win without pitching. And no one can pitch in Colorado. And the idea that opposing teams have the same disadvantage is actually not true -- they play the vast majority of games not in Coors Field. Those 81 games affect pitchers psyche. And no manager or pitching coach can change that. The Rockies will remain lost until they relocate. Let's Go Portland!!!

More On The UAE Deal

When Republican and Democratic leaders agree on something, it is historic. It's of greater cause for concern that Bush and his oligarchy have threatened veto on this.

Are we supposed to trust Rumsfeld? Bush? This administration? This is the same group of tyrants that lied to us about Iraq (or at very least fumbled so badly their very competence should be questioned at every turn), failed at Katrina, fumbled with insurgents and have allowed the head of Al Quaida to remain free four and a half years after the worst attack on American civilians in history.

Now he wants to force the United States to accept the UAE to run our ports. This is a travesty.

And that piece of rot we call Commander In Chief dares to imply some sort of racism about our concerns over this. Read his statements.

America's number one enemy is Osama bin Laden. Number two has become George W. Bush.

You Have the Right to Remain Stupid

I know I promised some baseball, but two news items have recently caught my attention.

Apparently, some religious nutcase -- a Christian American version of a terrorist -- named Reverand Fred Phelps believes American deaths in Iraq are a form of divine punishment. You see, we Americans are so tolerant of homosexuality that we are being punished by God.

This sick jerk is going to military funerals to stage protests. Fortunately, a group of bikers called the Patriot Guard Riders are doing what they can to counter the Phelpsian morons.

Now, I am no fan of this war -- I think I have made that abundantly clear. I'm also a strong advocate for free speech. Phelps and his cronies can do this -- they have that right. Just like I have the right to question their intelligence.

These demented homophobics believe that jeering at a funeral is a form of praising their God. Not sure which God they pray to, but if it's the God I'm thinking of, did they ever wonder why Jesus didn't get married? Hey, how do they know he was straight?

I read this stuff and realize more and more that we may be a first world economy, but we are a third world intelligence.

The second bit of news concerns my home state of Connecticut. One of the largest employers in our state is Sikorsky, the helicopter manufacturer. Some 3,600 union workers have decided to strike over their medical benefits.

Never mind the fact that some of the union workers do very, very well for themselves and pay less in benefits than the vast majority of Americans, the unionites are taking a terrible gamble here.

You see, if I'm running Sikorsky (I'm not), I turn this into a huge positive. I move to Louisiana. I relocate. There are thousands upon thousands of able-bodied Americans down there looking to recover from Katrina. In addition, the costs for just about everything (especially employment and benefits) is less there. If I were running Sikorsky, I'd give the unionites "an offer they couldn't refuse" or I'd skip town.

Now, if the heads of the helicopter company are like me, then the 3,600 union workers will have succeeded in not only making temselves unemployed, but they'll also have seriously damaged the economy of Connecticut's central shoreline. Businesses, housing, taxes, etc... all will be affected.

Is it really worth it?

Overseeing Terrorism from the White House

For those of us that live or work in the main ports on the east coast, your president may have already signed your death warrant.

Extreme? I don't think so. The United States is allowing a state-run company from the United Arab Emirates to, and I'm not making this up, take over significant operations in the following ports:

New York
New Jersey
Baltimore
New Orleans
Miami
Philadelphia

A little history here: unlike the country we recently invaded and slaughtered thousands of innocent people, there is a connection between UAE and 9/11. One of the hijackers was born there. In addition, it was an important operational and financial base for all the hijackers.

Why not nuke ourselves?

Iran, who, unlike Saddam's Iraq, is a fundamentalist regime, is quickly becoming nuclear-ready. How difficult do you think it would be to get an Iranian nuke to Manhattan if the ports are run by a nation that has proven it turns a blind eye?

I urge everyone who reads this to send it to as many people as possible. This may be the single most frightening bit of news since 9/11. And the end results could be so much worse.

New York ports under UAE control. Philadelphia. Miami. We're talking about upwards of 50 million people in the vicinities. Not to mention any other WMD's allowed to slip in to hit the rest of the country.

Please, this one is terrifying. Let's not allow this to happen.

Spring Is Here...

That's right. The most hopeful time of the year has begun. It is spring training once again. The time when even the Kansas City Royals and Tampa Bay Devil Rays are tied for first. It's the time when fantasy teams are created and no one is injured. And it's the time Cubs fans can still believe that this is the year.

Over the next week I'll make some observations and predictions on the season, but today I wanted to touch upon some individual points that we are going to be witnessing in this, the one hundred and thirtieth year of professional baseball in the United States.

• You have to start any discussion on baseball in 2006 with one man: Barry Bonds. He is closing in fast on Babe Ruth's 714 and is not too far behind Hank Aaron's all-time mark of 755. Personally, I despise Barry Bonds. I think he is bad for baseball and National League pitchers and managers should be ashamed of themselves for intentionally walking him the way he had been. That said, I think he will pass Ruth but fall short of Aaron. His body will not be able to keep up with the day-to-day punishment and, if he has been a steroid user as BALCO seems to imply, a clean Barry will be an old Barry. Hank's record will be safe. And although he'll pass the Bambino, Barry Bonds wasn't, isn't nor ever will be the ballplayer Babe Ruth was.
• The greatest pitcher in the last half century, possibly of all-time, is looking more and more like he will retire. Baseball without Roger Clemens' splitter just won't be the same. Now, I am a die-hard Yankee fan and I may kick myself for saying this, but I think the Rocket has one more good season left in him. And that season should be played out in Fenway. Either way, I'm lucky to have seen him play. We may never see the likes of him again.
• It looks like Sammy Sosa will retire. I am going against the grain here, but why has Slammin' Sammy become so villified? Steroids? He never tested positive. We as a nation did not believe him when he testified that he hadn't, but we certainly believed Rafael Palmeiro. We were wrong about Raffi, can't we be wrong about Sammy? I will always remember Sammy Sosa as the reason 1998 was such a wonderful season (well, that and a 125-50 performance from arguably the greatest team of all-time). Have we forgotten that summer? Remember McGwire, the reticent lumberjack who couldn't handle the press? Then along came this smiling, happy Dominican who played like he loved the game and enjoyed everything that was happening. He may have lost the home run race, but he won our hearts. That is the Sammy Sosa I will always remember.
• I really wish Mike Piazza had made the switch to the AL. While I despise the designated hitter rule (I'm a baseball purist), it is part of the game. And Piazza can still hit. I fear that his going to San Diego equates to being put out to pasture. It breaks my heart. He's the best hitting catcher that ever lived. Another year in the field may cause people to think about his shortcomings as a catcher later in his career even more than they do now. The fact is, he handled pitching staffs as well as anyone and was as tough as nails guarding that plate. His arm got weaker with age, but his positives always outweighed his negatives.
• Every day player to watch in 2006: Carl Crawford. He is as exciting as they come. If he stays healthy, we are going to be enjoying his speed and abilities for the next fifteen years.
• Pitcher to watch in 2006: Dontrelle Willis. Why he wasn't the Cy Young winner last year is a mystery to me. He is a year older, more experienced, better. We're looking at a rare talent that can stifle hitters for years to come. And hopefully he remains in the National League. Dontrelle can flat out hit.
• Team to watch in 2006: New York Mets. The Braves are going down this year. It's finally going to come to an end. And the team to bring them down will be their long-time nemesis, those Amazin's. Willie Randolph did a darn good job as a rookie manager. He's smart, and will learn from his mistakes. Plus, he's got a more complete team now. Plus I love the combination of Wright and Reyes on that side of the infield. Oh, and they got that pitcher from the DR...

Who Can Make This Up?

Vice President Dick Cheney shot a man in the face while quail hunting.

Please. It's true. Stop laughing now.

A friend of mine, and fellow "leftist" said to me that this was proof that we need gun control. I say this is proof we don't. The victim was a Republican lawyer.

In seriousness, I am glad that Harry Whittington is going to be all right. Political agenda aside, this was a frightening thing that has happened.

It's my understanding that the White House waited 18 hours to release the information, and only did so after the owner of the ranch did. Also, Cheney was not fully legal. While he had a license to hunt, he needed a special permit to hunt quail. He did not have it at the time he shot Whittington.

Now, what would happen to you or me if we were caught in the same situation?

In other news, Saddam Hussein is threatening a hunger strike. Think of the savings the government will get on take-out alone.

However, four restaurants in Baghdad are going out of business.

The International Quail Union had this to say in a press release: "And how do you like it?"

Emily Hughes still can't find a flight to the Olympics. It's probably because all the American idiots in the media can't spell. Torino is not spelled T-U-R-I-N. It's not her fault no one knows where it is.

Riots continue in the Middle East over the cartoons. Apparently this time, it was a Peanuts cartoon that was to blame. It seems Woodstock's remark to Snoopy's question: Where's my dog dish? was "lllllllllll." This was taken as a direct affront to Mohammed.

As if they weren't profane enough, the Danish paper made notorious for initially publishing the anti-Muslim cartoons are pushing the envelope even further. They plan to publish an Op-Ed piece arguing that George W. Bush is a good leader.

And lastly, I'd like to paraphrase a lawyer joke that my best friend (who is an attorney) had told me many years ago:

What do you call a Republican lawyer who got peppered in the face with buckshot?

A good start.

Monday Sports Thoughts

I'm on the train right now and I'm thinking about some sports news that have happened in the past days, weeks and months. Here are some thoughts:

• A close Super Bowl does not equal a good Super Bowl. That was as boring as any we'd seen in years. Except for the Stones, it was all a big yawn.
• It WAS offensive interference. That is the rule of the game. Period.
• The debated Steelers touchdown was close. They probably should not have called it on the field (kudos for Ben for faking it so well). But it was way too close to overturn.
• Michelle Kwan bowed out gracefully. She showed class. But she didn't belong there in the first place. Her attendance to that point was granted based on her name and a history that was once successful, but hadn't been in a year. Those that gave her the spot on the team ultimately stripped Emily Hughes the opportunity to soak in the full Olympic experience. Shame on them. They should all be removed from their positions before they do it to someone else.
• And it wasn't the same as what happened to a young Michelle Kwan in the Kerrigan-Harding Olympics. Although, Kwan should have been there instead of Harding, watching Tonya Harding's collapse was one of my favorite moments of that Olympics.
• Please someone let me know which country's hockey team has the fewest NHL players. I need a country to root for. It won't be the U.S. I don't like rooting for pros in the Olympics.
• So far in women's hockey, Canada and the U.S. have not been scored upon in two games each. Their dominance in the sport is so great that neither team has lost to any other country but each other in the last ten years. Now that is what dynasty is.
• General consensus is the Opening Ceremonies were wonderful. Good for Italy!!
• Am I the only person not named Bud Selig who is excited for the baseball World Cup? I think it could be a great deal of fun and a wonderful way to promote baseball even further. Sure, it should be in November/December instead of during Spring Training, but that's a learning experience. Overall, it's wonderful.
• Why does everyone hate Alex Rodriguez so much? I think the treatment he's received is reprehensible. Boston fans aside -- they have a "reason", or at least a perceived one (more on them later) -- why should we hate him? He's the highest paid player. So what? Mel Gibson and Tom Cruise make more, without nearly the risk. He's a Yankee -- again, unless you're a Red Sox fan, why should that matter? And the whole Baseball Cup debacle is an example of the man's only true fault -- he is too concerned about what people think of him. He's overly sensitive -- is that such a bad thing? The fact is, he's one of the best players of his generation and, though he can be frustrating (particularly in the postseason) he is a joy to watch. He plays the game well. He also has been free from the steroid scandal. And he does a lot of work for charity.
• Which brings me to two points. The first is the Boston situation. Freud would have a field day with those living in New England. He'd call it New York-envy. There is some minor league team that is offering to pay little leagues throughout New England to use their name and logo instead of the name "Yankees." The idea is that the spoiled little brats from New England are traumatized when they are assigned to the Yankees. I live in New England and am a Yankee fan. My son cried when he was told he would be on the Red Sox. I told them "there's no crying in baseball" and to toughen up. The hatred Sox fans have against New York is a combination of jealousy and ignorance. Did you know that I can't even get a cup of Manhattan Chowder in my town? Pathetic.
• The second point concerns A-Rod and others. Somewhere in the ESPN era we have decided that sports figures are also required to be role models. Derek Jeter is a wonderful role model. So are a dozen other figures. But it isn't their responsibility. The most beloved American sports figure of all time was Babe Ruth. He was no one's role model. Mickey Mantle was a carousing drunk. Michael Jordan had a gambling habit. Joe Namath took carousing to an art form. Yet somehow they all were loved. They are all human beings. They have weaknesses, as we all do. It is not for me to judge someone based on his weaknesses. I am a sports fan. I root for mostly New York teams (except in football, where I am an Eagles fan) and for players based on the grit and heart they show. I root for the underdog. If he or she is imperfect, he or she is more like me, then.
• The above does not apply to cheaters. Steroid users are beneath contempt in my eyes, regardless of the sport. I have no use for cheaters in competition such as sports. And that includes the likes of Gaylord Perry and Phil Neikro.

Please send me your thoughts on any of the above. I love to hear what others have to say. The best comment wins an all expenses paid hunting trip with the vice president.

It's Time To Fight

WAR!!!

That is right, we need to declare war and do so as quickly as possible. The safety of our way of life and for our future generations demands it.

No, I'm not talking about Iraq or Iran or Denmark. I mean declaring war on ignorance. We need to fight ignorance wherever we see it.

I'm not talking about taking up arms, either. We don't need guns to win this war. We need our minds.

I'm talking about confronting ignorance everywhere. Whether it is in the workplace, among your friends, or in our government. Use all the weapons we have available to win this war -- your newspapers, petitions, whatever.

Ignorance is everywhere, and it is evil. The blind hatred among religious extremists (Muslim or Christian) is nothing but pure ignorance. Publishing anti-cultural cartoons "because we can" is ignorance. Racism is ignorance. Sexism is ignorance. Homophobia is ignorance.

If a friend is about to tell a racist joke, stop him. When your town is in the midst of a "Christmas vs. Holidays" battle, stand up for the Holidays. Vote for same-sex unions or marriage. Write to your Senators and your Congressmen. Tell them how you feel. Do not let them get away with typical political answers. Make them stand up against ignorance as well.

And vote out the ignorant politicians who are in office.

Write letters to your local newspapers. Let your voice be heard. That is the best weapon against ignorance. Be willing to say, "This is wrong. This does not make us a better nation."

I believe we for the most part have watched from the sidelines for too long as the invasion of ignorance has taken place. The time to act is now.

Let's defeat ignorance before it's too late.

Don't Flip That Coin

Aside from the Rolling Stones -- who rocked, by the way -- the best part of this year's Super Bowl was the fact that it ended. Really, it was that bad. So bad, in fact, that most of the game I was thinking of the coin toss.

Deep thinker that I am, I couldn't help but reflect on something about a coin toss. Basically, opposing players choose sides of the coin -- head or tails -- and the winner gets to receive the kick, or watch while the loser gets the beer, or for whatever reason the coin flip was called into play.

The problem is, we are experiencing a global coin toss right now. And only one side is flipping.

The Home Team, since this analogy came from my brain I get to pick, are the Christian Fundamentalists. The Away Team are the Muslim Fundamentalists. They are fighting against each other. Their captains, Pat Robertson and Osama bin Laden, are at the fifty yard line and the ref has the coin.

Problem is, what really is the difference?

OK, Pat Robertson hasn't killed anyone (that we know of). But he and his cohorts have used their political power to help create this potiential religious war that is unfolding before us. Osama bin Laden, through the use of terror tactics, have only empowered the Christian Right.

Bush, himself a member of the Christian Right, is going right along with this. Forcing fundamentalist views on the American people, like nominating Alito or adding faith-based initiatives, is ultimately removing the very rights he swore to uphold.

And, while Robertson and Jerry Falwell (the man who declared war to "save Christmas") may not have murdered Muslims of late, George W. certainly has. Thousands of Iraqis are dead right now because of his war against Saddam Hussein -- a war that should never have happened.

The tension between these two has been high since the 1970's. It is rapidly getting worse. The Toon Wars are only another example.

The escalating hatred is leaving innocents dead on both sides. My friend Joe died going to work on a hot Tuesday morning in September, 2001. Families are caught in the crossfire of a battle in Baghdad and everyone -- including children -- are killed.

They both believe in their hearts that God is with them and that they shall be victorious.

They are wrong.

They will not cease until mass destruction has been wreaked on mankind. With Iran in the mix now, this coin toss can go nuclear.

Hey, Ref!! Don't flip that coin!!

The Toon Wars

Forget the U.S. vs. Iraq. Forget about Bush vs. the Constitution. Even toss aside the Hillary Duff vs. Lindsay Lohan articles. We now have a good war we can all enjoy.

That's right. The Toon Wars.

It started in Denmark. Mohammed was portrayed in three cartoons. All of them were politcially driven (or drawn) and all cast Mohammed in a bad light. This has pissed off 1/3 of the world's population. You see, it is a sin in the Islamic faith to portray Allah or Mohammed at all, let alone make fun of him in a cartoon.

The first shot has been fired. This is proof that the crayon is mightier than the sword.

Now, I am not going to poke fun of Muslim beliefs here. Nor will I criticize it. Frankly, I think that the newspaper who originally published it, and the newspapers from France, Italy, Germany, Norway and others that have followed suit, are instigators and are basically morons. Hiding behind a freedom does not make one courageous. Neither does making a caricature.

The violence that has erupted is, how shall I say it, EXCESSIVE!!! Come on. Yes, the morons in the Danish newspaper are pitiful idiots. But that doesn't warrant rioting in the streets. If we all rioted every time something stupid was done, right now Seattle would have burned to the ground and the world would reach near implosion each time our president opened his mouth.

The violence is also a show of ignorance.

But wait. It gets better.

The Toon Wars are escalating. Iran is creating a contest in retaliation to the Mohammed cartoons. They will publish the winners in some state-run paper. But get this: it will have nothing to do with Denmark. It's going to have to do with the Holocaust. So here's logic for you: a bunch of idiots from Denmark slander your God, so you avenge this by making fun of the six million murders of Jews from places not named Denmark.

Am I missing something here?

We should be very mindful of this, however. I mean, what if all the Toons take sides. Will this lead to an all-out Disney-WB War? They are the Toon Super Powers, after all. Will the Japanese Anime be allowed to fight, given World War II and what happened there. And who will the Super Friends side with? Will Marvel and DC finally have an all-out? I've often wondered if the Hulk could give Superman a beat-down.

And when will it end? Bugs Bunny getting assasinated outside a Michael Jordan's Steakhouse? I can envision Goofy crying over Mickey Mouse's lifeless body, asking "Can't we all just get along?"

The Toon Wars are yet another example of the sheer ignorance that has plagued this world of ours. They're all stupid.

You want to win this thing? Forget the toons, morons. Fight ignorance.

Otherwise, none of us are going to survive.

T-Shirts of Mass Destruction

Bad, bad, bad.

Personally, I would be willing to bet that if the real G. W. (George Washington) were here today, he'd be challenging the head of the Capitol police to a duel. Removing two women from the State of the Union for wearing T-shirts. How Saddam Hussein of them. These aren't the police. They are the Republican Guard.

Actions speak louder than words. In the case of this president, nothing could be more true -- his words are usually either masked lies or jumbled Quayle-isms for the new millenium. The State of our Union has been addressed with the removal of these two very different women.

Ms. Sheehan, of course, was arrested. How interesting that she was arrested and the Republican wasn't.

No matter. The arresting officers violated the First Amendment in arresting Ms. Sheehan. They should each be stripped of their badges and arrested themselves. Last I checked, the Amendments were the law of our land.

How much more do we need to take? When do we realize that the Bush administration, and those that uphold it, have more in common with the British during our Revolution, the Communists during the last century and the previous Iraqi regime than they do to anything American?

Ms. Sheehan, who has hurt no one, was detained for four hours. Osama bin Laden is free.

My Heritage Part IV: A Discovery

It was a summer night in the year 2000 and I was sitting at Naples 45 Restaurant in New York City with my parents and my sister. We had been called together because my father had something he wanted to share with us.

I had braced myself for three words: "I have cancer." Why else would my father call us into the City for dinner in this fashion?

Instead, he told my sister and I that my grandmother had had an affair during World War II with a man who was the foreman at the factory where she worked. My "grandfather," the alcoholic man who hurt both my father and my grandmother, turned out to be totally unrelated to me. Instead, I was the grandson of a man named Albert Dorfman.

My entire life I assumed that I was 1/4 Finnish. More importantly, however, I assumed I was 1/4 a part of the horror of a person that was the man who beat my father as a child. I'd been told all the stories about him. I feared I had a part of him inside of me.

It is no coincidence, then, that I had never even bothered to learn anything about Finland. While I had nothing against Finland or the culture of its people, the concept of being Finnish was a reminder of what was inside of me.

Imagine the release I felt, then, when I was told that it wasn't true. Suddenly, I wanted to know more about Albert Dorfman.

I knew he was Jewish. That was all. Immediately, I wanted to learn something of the Jewish people. Fortunately, it's an easy subject to research. Eventually, when we found my grandfather's oldest son, Herb, we discovered more. The family came from Odessa, in the Ukraine. That means that the final piece to the puzzle that makes up my heritage is Russian.

Or Jewish.

Something I have been trying to understand is which one. Or is it both? I know that being Jewish in Russia when my family was there was equivalent to being a second citizen -- if that. So, I am prone to think of the quarter as being Jewish. Also, unlike Christians and Muslims, the Jewish faith did not spread far beyond the descendants of the original Israelites. When the Romans forced the Israelites out of Israel, they didn't go "spreading the word of Moses" to the masses.

Another interesting point that came out of this discovery is the meaning of my last name. "Anderson" was the name given to the father of the man who assumed my Dad was his son. His real last name was Finnish and could not be translated into English. They changed his name in Ellis Island to "Anderson."

As it turns out, however, I am a descendant of Albert "Dorfman." So, biologically, my name should be Eric Dorfman.

I've thought of that a lot since I found out I have no blood relation to William Anderson. I've come to the conclusion, however, that it really doesn't matter. Whether I was Anderson, or Dorfman, or anything else, it wouldn't change who I am.

The Anderson family, then, begins with my father and mother. And that makes me, like my sister, a second generation Anderson, carrying on the traditions and passing them on to the next generation. We are a passionate people, we Andersons. We're writers. We're educators. We have a strong social conscience. Every single one of us -- Mom, Dad, my sister, my wife and myself -- strive either consciously or unconsciously to make this world a little better.

And that, ultimately, is who I am.