The Hunters

Tomorrow I am taking off to do a little trout fishing with my father and my son. We're going to have a little "man time."

This got me thinking. Lately, it seems manliness is about as dead as rock and roll or pay phones. We have the metrosexual boom invading our culture, and taking away testosterone in the process. Males are shaving parts of their bodies not shaved since the Egyptians. Women are writing books asking whether we even matter anymore.

What the hell happened?

Now, I don't profess to be the Marlboro man or the pirate Captain Kidd, but I do think I have a good handle on my masculinity. And that said, I think it is time that I, and those of us who still have hair on our chests, celebrate it again.

With that in mind, here is a short list of some of the manliest men in history, in no particular order:

Richard Branson: Let's face it, in the world of multi-millionaires, he is the coolest. He's the anti-Trump. You gotta admire a man who makes his fortune and spends his free time seeking out adventure.

Wyatt Earp: Based only on what was true about his his story, he'd still make this list. Just say "Gunfight at the OK Corral" and you know what I mean. Add to it the legend of this man and you have one of the manliest of all time. Anyone with that kind of legacy is cool with me. I'd definitely let him win at cards, though.

Theodore Roosevelt: He was a cowboy, a war hero, an adventurer and an author. He also was a politician with the guts to stand up for what he believed in and was even bold enough to tackle big business (imagine that). Yeah, add him to the list.

Ted Williams: Maybe Ted is a manly name, who knows? The Splendid Splinter isn't on here for his baseball, though hitting .406 in '41 and being one of the three best (all natural) hitters of all time certainly has its points. No, he's on the list because he was also a big time war hero -- in TWO WARS!!! He was John Glenn's wingman for crying out loud.

Frank Sinatra: He probably didn't do much of anything to warrant being put on this list. I mean think about it, he's just a really popular singer, that's all. But what a macho image, huh? And only Rush's 2112 may be more masculine than his music.

Miyamoto Musashi: Who, you ask? Only Japan's greatest swordsman and most famous samurai. He "retired" from duty and wrote a book entitled The Book of Five Rings. The book, though it is about swordsmanship, is one of the most sought after books by men of business both east and west.

Edmund Hillary: Denali. Everest. Whatever you want to call it. He was first.

Ernest Shackleton: If you don't know the story of the Endurance, then go by the book of the same name. Talk about leadership under stressful conditions. To think not one of his men died during the ordeal amazes me to this day.

Ernest Hemingway: I think my next son will be named Ernest Theodore. Who is cooler and more masculine than Papa?

Jimmy Buffett: There is something to be said for living life on your own terms. Perhaps no one has ever defined that notion better than the Mayor of Margaritaville. Singer/songwriter, author (and one of only six to top the New York Times bestseller list in both fiction and nonfiction -- Hemingway happens to have been another), surfer, fisherman, pilot, sailor and adventurer. Oh, and I heard he mixes one hell of a cocktail.

So that's the short list. Now, if you'll excuse me. I got some fish to catch.

Perspectives

Often I hear about those "good old days". I'm not entirely sure if there is a solid definition of the term, as I've noticed that "good old days" refers to different times to different people. Perhaps we can all say that the good old days ended January 20, 2001, when George W. took office, but I find that there are still twelve or thirteen Americans who believe he's still better than Bill Clinton was.

So, let's look at some of these good old days and figure out how good they really were:

1950's: Historically we look upon this decade as one of innocence and rock and roll. There is far more to it than that, however. We had over 50,000 troops killed in the Korean War. There was McCarthyism -- a frightening plague that ruined the lives of scores of people. The civil rights movement began in earnest, and as we should all know it was not met with open arms. And to make matters worse, we were getting our butts whipped in space by the Russians. All this while under the constant threat of nuclear war, a threat that would permeate our lives until 1989.

1960's: Flower power is overrated. Let's be serious here. The sixties may have been one of the two worst decades of the good old days. We had the Vietnam War, which cost the lives of over 50,000 soldiers. We had an increasingly tense civil rights movement. Riots destroyed places like Watts and Detroit. We saw the four great men of the decade fall to assassin's bullets (JFK, Malcolm X, Martin Luther King and RFK). Drugs may have been introduced to mainstream America before the sixties, but America's love affair with illicits began here. Protesting war led to bad treatment of American soldiers returning from southeast Asia. And though we put a man on the moon, we nearly destroyed mankind in the Cuban missile crisis.

1970's: Where to begin? The hangover decade saw the beginnings of Muslim terrorism. We had a major oil crisis (I remember the lines at the gas stations as a kid) that makes this one we're in look like a little blip on the radar. There was the Kent State affair. A U.S. president was taken down in the Watergate scandal. We celebrated the nation's 200th birthday with the worst economy since the Great Depression. The decade ended with the Iranian hostage crisis. But they did have the best music back then.

1980's: That return to prominence in the Reagan years. Yes, wasn't that the good old days? Let's see. Homelessness in America reaches heights not seen since Hoovervilles. A new kind of virus is discovered that attacks the immune system, a virus that will ultimately kill millions of people around the world. The gap between rich and poor widens. And while the rich and famous enjoy their champagne and cocaine lifestyle, the poor are treated to a newer, cheaper and more dangerous form of cocaine called crack. Crime statistics begin to rise to levels never seen in this country's history. Terrorists kill Marines in Beirut and learn a valuable lesson in the process -- that terrorist acts truly frighten Americans.

1990's: Yeah, right. There is a reason that the violence of Guns n' Roses and the desperation of Nirvana were all over the air waves. The nineties opened with a crime wave never seen in America. The crackheads of the eighties unified and became street gangs in the nineties. Teenage pregnancies hit an all-time high. We had nationwide riots after the Rodney King trial. The first generation entered the workforce with fewer opportunities than their predecessors since the graduating class of 1930. A president's love affairs became a national crisis. The World Trade Center was bombed, as was the U.S.S. Cole and some U.S. embassies and we continued our policy of not handling terrorism -- a policy that had begun in the early seventies. America became more and more polarized between left and right as Rush Limbaugh and Fox News gained in popularity.

We've always had our crises. There were no good old days.

April Showers

In case you missed it, it rained a little bit this weekend here in the northeast.

Personally, I'm pleased with all the rain. Spring is when we should get as much of it as possible. That way, we have a nice green summer.

But, did it ever rain? We drove yesterday from Connecticut to Larchmont for Greek Easter. It was dangerous. We had an SUV, but we needed a hovercraft. We made it safely, and were able to enjoy my wife's moussaka (which is so delicious I'm going to ask her for the recipe to put on my food blog).

It's Monday now and the rain continues to fall. I'm still happy about it. After all, it's April. It beats the heck out of snow and it means we may not have to hear about a drought come August. Especially with the rain we've had.

We have a pond behind our house. The level rose so high with all the rain I think it may have washed out the spot where Jonathan and I buried his hamster. I'm afraid to look right now. We're still safe from flooding, at least for now.

Of course, with all this rain, my dog had to get diarrhea.

A Little Gulf Time

There is something brilliant in Jimmy Buffett's song titles. One of my favorites is entitled "Changes in Latitudes, Changes in Attitudes." How true that is for the likes of me.

When I head south to the turqoise waters of the Gulf of Mexico or the Caribbean Sea, I can sense the metamorphosis almost immediately. First, I feel like a lizard shedding my skin -- sometimes literally (especially when I use Hawaiian Tropic instead of Coppertone, but that's for another blog), but mostly figuratively. I lose that stress right away.

My appetite changes too. As anyone who's read me by now knows, I love Italian food. All that changes along the pirate coasts. I prefer limes to tomatoes, rice and beans to pasta, and rum to wine. I'm just happy to have some peel and eat shrimp, maybe a beer or two, and watch the sun disappear into the sea.

My father and I went fishing one day on the trip. We caught our limit in kingfish and brought in a boatload of Spanish mackerel. We ate some of the fish at Crabby Bill's right next to the dock. Blackened Spanish mackerel and deep fried kingfish with a Corona is simply heaven.

My wife definitely felt the same. The sun washed away her stresses as it did mine. She returned a calmer, more contented woman. And she has a great henna to go with it. It looks terrific on her ankle. The sun also brings out the little freckles on her face. My wife is beautiful to begin with, but the sun makes her look even better.

Jonathan learned to swim on this trip. Obviously, the nerves and fears of a six-year-old can also get wiped away by the change in latitude. He even got a little tan, plus a pirate sword, some trinkets and memories of Busch Gardens and a pirate ship cruise.

The vacation was a present to my mother for her 60th birthday. In truth, I think we all benefited from the gifts on sun, sand and sea.

Even Magnets Take Vacation

I'm almost done packing, which is to say I know what I'm going to pack.

I'm taking a hiatus for a few days. It's a little family R&R on the beaches of Clearwater, FL. It's an opportunity to recharge the batteries. And I for one need some recharging.

In the last couple of months:

• I sprained my ankle
• My son's hamster died
• My dog nearly died, and will likely never fully recover from back injuries
• My father-in-law had emergency surgery, nearly died, and spent over two weeks in the hospital -- fortunately, he is home now and much improved
• I've been swamped at work
• I got the flu and missed two days from work
• My wife caught my flu and missed two days from work
• My creative juices have dried up and I've only written about fifteen or so pages on my third book
• My best friend's grandfather passed away
• I've begun sleeping on the train -- a habit I despise

Needless to say, I could use a moment or two of kicking off the sandals, feeling the sand between my toes, cracking open some stone crab claws and not feeling like I have to do anything.

I'll try to post a little something from sunny Florida.

But don't hold your breath for it.

It's a Busy World

This truly is a busy time to be alive.

Terrifying, too. But busy.

Think about this: we're fighting a war currently on two fronts. We have soldiers in Afghanistan and in Iraq. With each passing day, it looks like the powers that be are going to enter us in a new war, this time against Iran. That's three battles at once. The last time we did that was World War II. It's a lot of war.

We've been busy spending money too. Republican or Democrat, you must acknowledge that the Clinton administration/Republican congress of yesteryear had a pretty good handle on finances. Boy has that changed! We're in some serious debt. Isn't the trade deficit larger than ever now? Where has all the money gone? Not in my pocket, that's for sure.

We've been busy in other areas, too. People are working longer hours, and for less money. This is no news. It's actually a trend that had begun with the first Bush administration. More time at work equals less time at home, doing the important things.

Still, we have managed to get really busy on our eating habits. In the 1980's we saw the beginning of a trend toward dieting and exercise. Yet despite this, we are fatter than ever. America is obese. We've become the world's fat joke.

We're busy with religion too. I remember growing up and going to church. Then I stopped when I was able to decide for myself that I didn't care for organized religion. That was fine for a long while. Now, all of a sudden, we have become this Christian fundamentalist nation. God is sold online, on TV, even to kids. The "message of Jesus" is all over the place, and we're told we need to defend it (from what I have no idea).

We're so busy it seems we've become incapable of making our own decisions. We're told by the government who is a threat to America. We're told by some obnoxious Brit what singer to like, usually while we're sitting on the couch stuffing our faces with a pint of ice cream we've been told to buy. We're told which fast foods to eat, which "news" channel to watch, which sports teams are good and which are "evil".

And the part that's so terrifying is... we listen.

So here is my challenge to anyone out there who reads me: think for yourself. Stop living by the expectations of others. Next Tuesday, shut off the television and don't watch Simon Cowell rip to shreds some kid's dreams. Don't go to McDonald's, make something yourself instead. And by making something yourself, I don't mean microwave dinner, either. Cook something. Read your news, don't watch it. And then decide for yourself whether invading Iran is a good idea. Don't just get annoyed that you're paying $3 per gallon for gas. Write a letter to the paper about it.

Stop living the way you're told. Start living.

Connecticut vs. New York: An Observation

I was born in the Bronx and raised in White Plains. I've been a Yankee fan for as long as I knew about the game of baseball. I worked in lower Manhattan, including that fateful day in September, 2001. I've worked in Times Square and in midtown. I pass through Grand Central every day.

I became a New York Yankee in Connecticut's Court in the summer of 2002. At first, I did not think there would be a significant difference between the two states. After all, Connecticut sits right next to New York and, like New Jersey, is a "suburb" state supporting the great city between them.

I was wrong.

Here is a sampling of the differences between New York and Connecticut life:

• In New York, one needs only to walk a few blocks to get great pizza. In Connecticut, one needs to drive to New York. Or wait in line for hours at Frank Pepe's in New Haven.
• In New York, you are never far from a good Kosher delicatessen. In Connecticut, the best pastrami sandwich is at your local diner.
• In Connecticut, you need to watch out for deer. In New York, it's potholes.
• In New York, the government officials are hard at work right now. In Connecticut, they're under house arrest.
• New Yorkers are in a constant state of rushing. Nutmeggers (people from Connecticut) have two speeds: slow and stop.
• I don't have an accent in New York.
• MetroNorth trains are clean, new and on time in New York. My New Haven trains are older than I am. And I'm thirty-five.
• It took but a few months to get the subway stations reopened downtown after 9/11. Milford's train station has been under construction since I moved there. And they are far from finished.
• New Yorkers think in terms of blocks. Nutmeggers (at least Milfordites) think in terms of which school your kids attend.
• Ask New Yorkers for the best Italian restaurant and you'll get more than a dozen answers. Ask Nutmeggers and Olive Garden gets mentioned.
• New York boasts more cuisines than any other city in America. But nowhere can you get a good lobster roll.
• In Connecticut, you cannot find Manhattan clam chowder.
• New York is split between Yankees and Mets. Connecticut between Yankees and Red Sox.
• In New York everyone is either from somewhere else or from Brooklyn. In Connecticut, if you're from somewhere else you are not to be trusted.
• Connecticut's coffee chain is Dunkin Donuts. New York's is Starbuck's.
• New York never sleeps. Everything in Connecticut, and I mean EVERYTHING, is closed by one in the morning.
• Connecticut has oyster festivals. New York has them by the half shell for $62.50.
• New York has the Knicks. Connecticut has the Huskies.
• New York is the "capital of the world." Connecticut is the capital of the insurance world.
• New York has taxis. Connecticut has minivans.

It's going on four years now that I'm living in the Constitution State. I still have much to get used to.

I Always Miss the Good Stuff

So after discovering firsthand that flu shots only work for about four months, I have returned.

Here is what I missed:

• Mariano Rivera has, unbeknownst to him, been stealing the theme song from Billy Wagner these last several years. And Yankee fans blame Wagner.
• Katie Couric is going to CBS
• Metallica proclaims themselves to be Met fans
• The war rumbles on in Iraq
• Osama bin Laden took several breaths, ate, walked around... and plotted something
• Duke University lacrosse team did some very bad things at an off campus party
• Daunte Culpepper was cleared of some bad things that happened at a Minnesota Vikings party
• Mayor Rudy Giuliani was called to testify about what happened in lower Manhattan on 9/11
• Red Sox fans still have a huge chip on their shoulders: "HEY, NEW ENGLAND!!! GOOS-VRABA!!!"
• George W. Bush, it's been discovered, authorized leaks of intelligence information
• The media has been on the White House about the above. Can't they just leave him alone? Don't they realize how difficult a job it is to screw up all that America stands for without having to deal with a nagging press?

All this while I had the flu. I'd better not get a hernia.

The Excuse Sports Pariahs Network

ESPN is a disgrace.

That's right. I said it. Now, millions of couch potato, armchair QB, "Rabid" fan idiots that can remember what "56" means but can't remember their anniversary may hate me for saying that. Too bad. And shame on you for thinking otherwise.

Baseball is upon us. And with it, the most controversial player the game has known is about to pass the greatest player on the home run list. In addition, he's knocking at the door of the most notable of all baseball records.

But he did it by cheating. Barry Bonds, as the books and all of our very own eyes have told us, is doing this with the assistance of illegal and banned substances. Barry Bonds is a cheat and an embarrassment to the sport.

And still, ESPN is defending him.

Jim Caple, one of ESPN's writers, excuses Barry in this article. Basically, he questions whether it is even Barry to blame at all, or if everyone else is to blame. He uses Gaylord Perry and Babe Ruth as examples.

Gaylord Perry won more than 300 games, many of which were won by doctored baseballs. He cheated. Yet he is in the HOF. As if that justifies Barry Bonds.

I guess ESPN never heard of "two wrongs don't make a right."

And they then question the legitmacy of Ruth's record. Babe Ruth played in an all-white major leagues. That is very true. And also a moot point. Did Babe Ruth, who merely played according to the rules of the game, cheat because some idiot owners didn't want black and Latino players in the league? Does that justify Barry Bonds' injecting himself with illegal substances so he can pass him?

ESPN wonders whether that is so.

On an ESPN newswire, Torii Hunter states he believes Bonds is a victim of racism. Why was that printed? Why do you think?

The fact is, Barry Bonds is nothing new to ESPN.

They did the same with Mike Tyson. And with Terrell Owens. And dozens of other bad human beings who happen to be athletes.

You see, ESPN, cares about money, not sports. Tyson was marketable. That is why even a Tyson-(insert bum's name here) received more time on Sports Center than any of the Gatti-Ward battles (and any boxing fan knows how awesome they were). Both Gatti and Ward are good for the game, but Tyson was the bigger name. So ESPN showcased him, even though his presence is bad for boxing.

Maybe it's a case of ESPN not yet realizing how powerful they really are. The fact is, ESPN has enormous influence on American culture. And you don't need to have to know Spider Man to know that with power and influence comes responsibility.

ESPN doesn't care. 756 means profits.

So, I think I'll watch a little less ESPN this year. I'll wait it out. I'll watch in the fall, of course, when I'm reminded by the commentators how poorly their perrenial target (and good, clean human being) A-Rod had done in the postseason and how much money he makes. I'll wonder how many years he'll need to endure that until he accumulates enough homers to challenge Bonds. And I'll wonder how they'll handle that when he does.

Spring Fever, Literally

Every dark cloud has a silver lining.

Also, every pot of gold has its share of pyrite.

It's spring time. No doubt about it. It's beautiful outside and it is beginning to warm up. Baseball starts today. Also, there is no snow in the forecast until at least late November.

And I have the beginnings of a cold and cough.

Nearly every year since I can remember, I would get sick in springtime. This damn cold and cough would hit me and knock me for a loop. I've been tested for allergies. That isn't the issue. I just become more susceptible when the weather changes.

Hack, hack.

Today I feel horrible. I'm stuffed, coughing and achy. My sinuses ache and I'm just feeling run down. I went to bed before ten last night, with the help of NyQuil. Still, I feel like this.

I will hopefully return to form quickly. I don't want to miss too much of spring.

Right now, I'm just going to try to survive the day.

Chicken soup, here I come.