People I'd Love to Have Met

I know this is impossible, but if there was some way that I could create a small tear in the time-space continuum where I could go back in time to any point in history, there are several people I'd love to meet. Here are some of them:

• Jesus of Nazareth: I know, cliche. Extra odd considering I am not a Christian. But this is the man who has had the greatest impact on western civilization. And I'd be willing to guess that what he taught and what Christianity today teaches are more opposite than they are alike.
• Vlad "the Impaler": He is the person on whom Bram Stoker based his famous character. It would be pretty cool to meet Dracula before he died, wouldn't it?
• Moses: I need to know. I'm a believer in the idea that much of our religious beliefs are based on the game of operator (think it through). I'd love to know how much of this man's legend is true, and I'd love to bear witness to the Exodus.
• George Washington: The first general, first hero, first president. He fought for something larger than himself. He risked his life and the lives of others so that we could be free from European tyranny. Then he rejected the opportunity to be that tyrant himself. I'd love to meet a man so courageous. Of course, I would then ask him how he could fight for freedom and own slaves at the same time. Hey, I would.
• Abraham Lincoln: The second of three presidents I'd like to have met. I'd love to meet the man who managed to keep us together as best he could, to finally free the slaves and to attempt to mend the country in a gentle fashion. I'd also like to tell him that the show at Ford's is grossly overrated and advise him to stay home.
• My grandfather: My father's book, entitled Meant To Be, chronicles our family's history and tells why, among other things, I never met my biological grandfather. Pick up the book, by the way -- it's an incredible story. I'd love to meet the man who my grandmother considered the love of her life.
• Il Conte Cervini: The Count is, as far as I know, alive and well in Tuscany. I want to meet him and find out more family history, including where my side of the family links up with his (Francesca Cervini).
• Theodore Roosevelt: One of my idols, he was the definition of 20th Century manhood. His stories are fascinating. He was courageous and bold. He was our first "environmentalist" president. He was the first president to invite an African-American to the White House as a guest. And his quotes are lessons in life.
• Ernest Hemingway: As a younger man, of course. He'd have been a pleasure to run with, I think. He's also my favorite writer, so I would love to learn from Papa.
• Lou Gehrig: Babe Ruth had too much side show attraction. I want to meet the single-minded great ballplayer who really made the Yankees who they are today. I'd have loved to watch his swing, to see him run and catch and play. I'd be a kid again for that moment in time, watching with awe as the 1927 Yankees played.

There are plenty more, but this makes a nice list. Now, to work on that time machine...

Hey, Whaddya Know?

In my 11/22 submission I had written about some unimportant things that I would like to see happen. And then, almost as if my word is all powerful, one of them did happen. Black Sabbath is going to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.

Now, I know this isn't life-changing stuff here. It won't even have an affect on my sleeping habits. But it does bring me a little joy.

I was about ten or eleven the first time I heard them. I was at my best friend's house and one of his older brothers (older brothers are great for this sort of thing) put a cassette of Paranoid on his stereo. I was hooked from the very first sound of the sirens in War Pigs. Within three years (I was a poor high school kid and this was the early eighties, remember) I had bought all of Sabbath's albums with Ozzy. I memorized all the lyrics. I also bought Ozzy's solo albums and did the same.

Sabbath's lyrics and music are dark. They are foreboding. They speak to the masses of youth who feel neglected, who don't really fit in. Tony's riffs seemed to echo our despair. The rhythm section of Geezer and Bill represented our rage. And Ozzy was our voice.

If you ever have been a fan of heavy metal -- and judging from album sales I bet most of you have -- you owe your fandom to Sabbath. Everyone from Priest to Maiden to Metallica to Disturbed -- even more pop-ish acts like Smashing Pumpkins and Nirvana -- have been influenced. They invented the genre -- and set the bar so high that no one has quite been able to reach it since.

So cheers to you, Brummies. Finally.

Reflections on Thankfulness

Yes, it is that time of year again when we should remind ourselves of all the things for which we are grateful. There are so many to choose from and for everyone they are different. Here are twenty things for which I am thankful right now:

I am thankful for my son, who is healthy and bright and happy. He is the single greatest joy in my life. The most important thing I do is be father to him. And I recognize that the measure of me as a father is not what he thinks of me, but rather what he thinks of himself.

I am thankful for my wife. Claudia has been my savior time and again. We’ve already had our moments of better and worse and are still in love after ten years. Most importantly, I am grateful that our relationship allows us to be interdependent, not dependent. When you become dependent on another as an adult, you lose yourself. We have not done that.

I am thankful for my parents. It’s been a long road and we’ve had great and terrible moments. Through it all they always loved me and did they best that they could to make me a better person. Our relationship is stronger today than it has ever been.

I am grateful for the rest of my family. Not just my sister, but my cousins, my aunts and uncles and even my wife’s family. They are part of the fabric of my life. And though they do not define me, just as my son, wife and parents do not define me, they help to make me a whole person.

I am thankful for my health. There are so many aspects to this one that I often take for granted. I still have 20/15 vision. I can walk. I can hear, speak and feel. I am able to run. I don’t have to wonder what it would be like to play catch with my son, because I can do it.

I am thankful that I can write. All of us are given talents. Some of us can run fast. Some can do math or science. Some are brilliant strategists. One talent of mine is that I can communicate through the written word. I tell a good story. It is a blessing that I do not take lightly – in fact it is a blessing that I have begun utilizing and will continue to do so as long as I can. We all need stories. I love that I can provide that.

I am thankful for my passion for food. I often kid that it is because I am part Italian. I don’t know if it is the reason, but I do know that food is more than just a means to sustain life. It is an art. And I have an appreciation for that art. To me, serving friends and family at the table is one of life’s many joys. Hearing the words, “this is delicious” is almost on par with someone telling me I write well.

I am thankful for my love of outdoors. I have been an adventurer for over a decade now. It’s a passion that I have started to pass on to my son. It’s also something that helps me to be a well-rounded person. Whether it is pulling in a sailfish or summiting a mountain or kayaking through the islands of the Maine coastline, I know I have a second home outdoors. I am comfortable there.

I am thankful for my friends. A friendship is a bond I have never taken lightly. I am loyal to my friends and I cherish my time with them. They, like family, are a part of the fabric that weaves through my life. My best friend, to no surprise, shares my same passions. Other friends share creativity or laughter or memories. I cherish them all.

I am thankful for my job. I spent years worrying about my career. It messed me up. I finally found a place where I am comfortable. I enjoy working hard here and I am proud to work for my superiors.

I am thankful for my commute. Three hours on a train each day is a lot of time to write stories.

I am thankful for my home. I know we only need a roof over our heads and some heat and food, but I have to admit, I really love where I live. It is my dream house. Plus, being able to pass farms on the road to get to my street is a secret pleasure for me. Living where I do and working where I do allows me to enjoy New York City and country New England shoreline in the same life. How couldn’t I be thankful?

I am thankful for my mood disorder. I have bipolar disorder. So be it. Perhaps it has done me more bad than good over the years. But it is not a crutch any longer. In fact it is a friend. It’s also a doorway to something I hadn’t felt before. After diagnosed I discovered that several famous writers, composers and even world leaders have or had the very same. I am in good company.

I am thankful for all of my quirks and idiosyncrasies. Some of them are good and some not so good. I have the attention span of a gnat. I have horrible posture. But I also have a big smile and a quick, if sometimes raw, sense of humor. I am thankful for all of it.

I am thankful that it has been almost two years since I last had a cigarette.

I am thankful for my rage. While it is my biggest flaw and my greatest danger, it is also my energy source for my creativity. And for that I love it.

I am thankful for my country. I love the United States of America. I believe in the ideals that formed us as a nation. I am proud to call myself a citizen. And though I believe the current administration is evil, we are a good nation.

I am thankful for my rebellion. Questioning the status quo is more than a privilege, it’s a duty. I hope that I’ll have the same fire for it when I am eighty as I do today.

I am thankful that the words I lived by when I was younger – Live Life to the Fullest – still is how I live my life today.

I am thankful for who I am. I am Eric Anderson. It’s a common name. I am an uncommon person.

Non Life-Altering Things I'd Like To See Happen

Following is a list of things that I would like to see happen. None of them would really affect my life much, but it just would be nice.

• Change the divisions in baseball: Why does the NL have two more teams than the AL? Why are there four teams in one division and six in another. This is just plain dumb. There are thirty teams and six divisions. Put an equal number in each division. Duh.
• Make all kids have to read the newspaper: This one is obvious. Too many people watch FoxNews to fins out what's going on in the world. Newsflash, people: FoxNews is not a news station, it is a news commentary station. Maybe if you read, you'd know the difference. If the first thing kids did in the morning was sit and read the local paper for fifteen minutes, maybe we'd have a smarter country down the road.
• Tell the truth about Christmas: No, I'm not talking about Santa. Besides, I believe in him (come Christmas time, maybe I'll explain). How many people know that the most famous person really born on December 25th was Jimmy Buffett. That's right, Jesus was born in the spring of BCE 04. We of the Christian-dominated world celebrate a pagan holiday called Saturnalia every year. There's nothing wrong with it. Just tell the truth.
• Start a "No Celebrities in the News" Week: The time betweem Easter/Passover and Memorial Day is typically slow. Let's have a week where celebs are beanned from the papers and television unless they are actually doing something. How refreshing would it be to be able to open a newspaper and not be forced to see what Britney bought her child, what Madonna donated to Kabbalah or anything Paris Hilton did.
• Create serious campaign anti-defamation law: I'm tired of watching the little TV I do and hearing about how a candidate is a fraud, supports anti-Semitic llama hunters and once called his own mother a pee-pee head. Stick to the issues. There should be a law where, if someone violates it, they must spend equal time apologizing (as in "I'm sorry") or be forced out of the running. Civility is a good thing. Watch the Britons govern. It's beautiful.
• Induct Black Sabbath into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame: This is a stickler for me. They invented a genre of rock. They sold millions of records. They stand as one of the most influential bands of all time. The Sex Pistols and Ramones are in for punk. It's time to let heavy metal get it's due. Ozzy, Tony, Geezer and Bill belong in the Hall.
• Make Constitution Day and Citizen Day a bigger deal: Our country's greatest strength is our Constitution (which, for all you Euro-philes, makes us an older nation than every contintental European nation). The holiday should be bigger. Also, Citizenship Day is a celebration of the great phrase E Pluribus Unum. This should also be recognized. As luck would have it, Constitution Day and Citizenship Day both fall on September 17, making for one nice extra holiday. The fact that it is also my birthday is irrelevant. Really.

So that's it for now. Nothing major. Just some things that would be nice if they were done.

On Being a Magnet

Magnets have a few things in common.

They attract metals, of course. They either strongly attract or completely repel other magnets, depending on how they meet. They can also turn others into magnets.

Another key piece to the magnet is its two poles. There must be a south and a north. There must be two opposing forces.

I am a magnet.

One opposing force, or pole, is my blackness. No less powerful and no less consuming is my other force. This second pole works in much different ways, however.

I can do anything. I can focus on the hardest of tasks. And I can finish them. I’m stronger. I finish things I want to get done. And I finish them exactly how and when I want to.

It's amazing. Sometimes I feel almost invincible. I always feel superior. I feel like a magnet, attractive all kinds of people to me. And I am sexual. And hungry.

But I'm also scattered. I can focus, but only through tunnel vision. Life is not like that. While I succeed in my area of focus, I lose sight of -- and ultimately fail in -- everything else.

I'm also impatient. When this side takes over, I have little use for the ignorance of others. And, my, how I can see their ignorance. Everyone is inferior, undisciplined, unwilling to achieve my perfection.

I can create a charity bike ride -- even train and cycle through 200 miles worth of mountains over three days, but I will alienate my friends along the way.

I can write, sometimes at a torrid pace. I finished my first novel in roughly twelve weeks. Anyone who didn't wish to read it was cast aside, no matter that they were busy with their own lives or not the reading type.

Like the blackness, the clutches of this force are too strong. I cannot escape them. Though they are far more pleasant -- I admit I enjoy this side of the magnet -- they are no lessdebilitatingg and harmful.

Medicine has helped control the pull of the magnet. I am somewhere in the middle now. Neither pole gets me in its hold. Nonetheless, I know that it is there and it is a part of me.

They call this thing I have -- this magnet inside of me -- bipolar disorder. I was officially diagnosed in early 2004, but I knew long before about my magnet. I just hadn't given it a name.

And while the meds control the poles, the magnet is still there. It is the magnet that makes me who I am.

And that is just fine with me.

The Blackness

When it comes, you know it's there. There's just no mistaking it. You can feel it, see it, touch it, taste it. It surrounds you completely like the night surrounds the landscape.

I call it the blackness. I call it that because that is what I see when I'm enveloped in it. In truth, it's more purple, as if black isn't quite dark enough to describe it accurately. And when I am inside of it I cannot escape it. No matter which way I turn, it's there.

It grabs hold of me and refuses to let go. It's grasp is strong and it saps your strength. But it takes away more than that. It takes away your essence -- your very life. The more the darkness holds you the less you are willing to fight it. Slowly, effortlessly, it takes you. Day-by-day, week-by-week, I am less willing to fight it. I think about surrendering -- to the hopelessness that permeates the darkness' very existence.

Survival becomes a struggle in itself. Routines so necessary to live are chores now -- getting out of bed, working, talking with people, being a friend, a husband, a father. It gets to the point where you resent the very things you want to live for. And the things that become most inviting and intriguing are the things that you see as a way to escape the blackness. For me it was the trees I'd pass on my winding road home and the thought of crashing into them at fifty miles an hour.

Something usually does happen and you escape the blackness.

Someone asked me recently if I was OK. There was a not-so-veiled second question in there. The person wanted to know if the blackness had returned for me.

I'd battled the blackness many times in my life. It nearly won more than once. It wins when it kills you. But I am still here. My last battle was my most painful. But I had allies this time. And I was victorious.

The blackness had taken a toll on me through the years. I've had to go to therapy. I had to revisit haunting moments from my childhood. I've had to accept the fact that I need to be on medicine.

I'm not the same person as I was. I'm stronger now. The blackness stands no chance against me. It's claws cn no longer dig into me.

I am OK.

Let's Not Lose Sight of This One

Let's remember that, with all that is going on, we still have to deal with a very frightful situation in the upcoming Supreme Court hearings.

Women's rights are on the line, people.

And while this administration's influence has certainly waned, its effects remain. Don't believe me? Read on.

I don't think I need to "fight the good fight" on this one here. This issue has many levels -- too many for this blog. But I need to say that there is some confusion here as to what the fight is about. This is NOT a fight about life. This is a fight about women's rights over their own bodies.

And as for the "opinion" of that manipulative embarrassment of a president?

"I will lead our nation toward a culture that values life -- the life of the elderly and the sick, the life of the young, and the life of the unborn. I know good people disagree on this issue, but surely we can agree on ways to value life by promoting adoption and parental notification, and when Congress sends me a bill against partial-birth abortion, I will sign it into law."
Source: Speech to Republican National Convention Aug 3, 2000

Valuing life. From a man who has authorized war that has killed over 2,000 Americans and tens of thousands of Iraqis. From a man who, as governor of Texas, oversaw 150+ executions.

It's not about valuing life. Let's not lose sight of this one.

My Little Champion

Saturday we went to a Tae Kwon Do Tournament in Milford, CT. It was the first tournament in a long while for me. The last time I'd gone was back when I was an active student in Tae Kwon Do and Hapkido back in the 1980's. Things have changed.

I'm not longer the student. I'm not busy tying my uniform, meddling with my belt, making sure all my gear fits. I'm not competing. No, this is far better. I'm an observer -- a fan, if you will.

I know I probably sound like one of those goofy "that's my boy" dads right now, but I don't really care. My son got 1st place in breaking technique. First place. My boy.

I've been around a few years and I've done my share of things. I've had my share of accomplishments and I have to tell you that none of them can match how I felt when my son raised that trophy.

If you have children, I recommend that he or she do some sport. Of course, I'd recommend Tae Kwon Do first, but any sport is fine. There are things that your child learns by training and competing that help in real life -- in ways school cannot. And by participating in your child's training, you become a better parent.

And some day, hopefully, you can be as proud as I was when my little champion raised his trophy.

It Doesn't Look Like We're Going To Make It

They just called in the defribillator. We've flatlined. Let's hope the man behind the mask can save us.

I'm talking about America. We are dying, people. We have suffered puncture wounds to the heart and are bleeding internally.

You don't believe me?

America, last I checked, was founded on the inalienable rights that "all men are created equal." Our Senate just voted to repeal that.

Make no mistake, our Declaration states that "all men" are equal, not all American men. Any and all aversions from that very principle is un-American, and is a stab wound to the heart of our very essence.

In another blow to our self-righteousness, we've discovered yet another flaw in our reasons for going to war in Iraq. This is basic stuff -- war should be a last and final resort when we are 100% positive. Invading a country is a terrible business. We should be more certain of our reasons before we allow our own citizens to die, let alone the citizens of another country.

What does this disgusting embarrassment of an administration do? They send the national security advisor to challenge those who dare question the validity of this war. National security advisor Stephen J. Hadley went on the offensive, basically saying that the Democrats wanted the war too. He also goes so far as to chastise those in the House for suggesting that the White House manipulated the intelligence that the country had.

There is no question the Democrats also voted for the war. That is not the point. The point is that the intelligence was falsified and incorrect. Would Democrats still have voted on the war knowing that? I cannot answer that question, except to say that I would hope not. But it wasn't the case; no one knew at the time we were going to war based on lies.

Or were we? Hadley's second offensive concerned accusations that the White House manipulated the intelligence. I don't think anyone in the Senate or House did that. Yet. The media has certainly begun questioning things, but no one has made accusations. Yet. In fact, to date, I think Hadley is the only one on record now as saying the White House may have been involved.

Interesting.

Today is Veteran's Day. Millions of soldiers from wars fought should be honored today. This includes those who have fought and died in this war in Iraq. They are risking their lives and serving our country. As a proud American, I am grateful for their sense of duty and honor.

But if things do not change -- and quickly, the men and women will be fighting for a dead nation.

That's the Trouble with the Past

Lately I’ve been reminiscing.

Several reasons have contributed to this. It could be a discussion about old hip-hop songs or a friend’s blog or two (much younger) coworkers going to a Halloween party dressed as my favorite band from “back in the day.”

Nonetheless, I’ve been thinking about my younger days and all the crazy fun that I had. It was wild, too. And I do mean wild. There were some great times.

Or were they?

Looking deeper into my adolescence I realize that there was also a great deal of pain. It wasn’t the same pain I had endured in my childhood, where I suffered abuse at the hands of bullying classmates, Catholic education, a sexually molesting relative, among others.

I have confronted my childhood demons and have overcome them. No, I have defeated them. Thank you to my therapist and to anti-depressant and mood-stabilizing medication. I have not confronted the individuals who have abused me. I no longer need to. I have risen above them.

My adolescence had brought a new kind of pain. In my rage I had hurt others. Many of those I have hurt were female – high school and college girls who had turned to me for affection, and I was quick to take advantage of them. I have probably hurt more people in my teens than had hurt me in my childhood.

I also took strides to hurt myself. I tried to kill myself – slowly. I smoked upwards of two packs of cigarettes per day. I drank far more than a typical teenager. I failed or dropped out of almost as many college courses as I had passed. My self-loathing often got the better of me.

I realize, as I sit and think back to those days, that I’m still tormented by things that I have done.

That’s the trouble with the past. You can’t just bury it.

But you do have to come to terms with it. And for me, the best way to come to terms with it is to be the best husband and father I can.

I think that by treating my wife with love and respect, it can, in some ways, serve as a sort of redemption for how I might have treated others in my past.

Besides, she deserves it.

And by loving and teaching and nurturing my son I am, in some ways, loving and teaching and nurturing myself back to health. Being a great father not only improves the life of your child, but it improves your own.

And besides, he deserves it.

Have They All Gone Mad?

It's a dark time in America.

We are in the midst of a war where we cannot separate the enemies from those we are trying to protect. And our reasons for going to war in the first place are being called into question.

We had been in a war against the organization that committed the most violent act against America since 1941, and the worst attack on U.S. civilians in our history. Somehow that war has been forgotten.

We were once the world's leader. We were the most powerful and respected nation on the planet. Last week our president barely made it out of South America.

And when you thought it couldn't get worse, there are Americans losing the battle for equality because states are refusing to acknowledge same-sex unions and the Kansas school board voted to approve science standards that would cast doubt on the theory of evolution (instead offering the intelligent design approach, which is Right Wing-speak for a 21st Century creation theory).

I'm certainly not one who opposes debate. It's debate that has made this nation strong over our 200-plus years. Philosophical debates on where our nation should be headed is, in general, a good thing. But there are instances in recent times that move far beyond debate. They challenge reason. They challenge logic. And worse, they challenge the very foundation of this country.

Case in point: we are a nation that prides itself on being at the forefront of liberty and freedoms. So when it is discovered that representatives of our government are violating the basic rights granted under the Geneva Convention -- an idea we have long supported, mind you -- you would think our leaders would be aghast and want answers as to how such a thing could happen. Yet, when it was discovered we had secret and illegal prisons throughout eastern Europe, our Republican leaders have demanded an investigation as to how the secret was let out (See the Washington Post article). What am I missing here?

We've got probes into false information the president had given regarding our reasons for going to war in Iraq. Let's make it clear: we went to war for two reasons. We did not go to war to get rid of a tyrant, or to free the Iraqi people. We went to war because Saddam Hussein's regime posed a clear threat to U.S. interests. Our proof was that he had WMD's and had been trying to get nuclear "yellowcake" from Niger. This has been proven false and the lie, which it has now been proven to be more than a mistake, can be traced as far up as the Chief of Staff and the Vice President (if not farther).

Another reason for our going to war was our insistance that Iraq and Al Qaeda were in cahoots. We, if you remember, had key reps from both sides meeting in Europe.

Now, aside from the logical impossibility of this (Hussein and bin Laden were, by nature, philosophical enemies), it's also been proven to be a lie (More on this). So now we're left with over 2,000 U.S. military killed, thousands of Iraqi soldiers and civilians killed and, in case you hadn't noticed, a growing rift between the United States and the rest of the world.

Now, the White House is planning to respond by pointing fingers, "They're to blame too." They are claiming that Democrats knew as much as Republicans and were also for the war at the time. These horrible people actually believe that another lie will successfully deflect blame. They forget that the Executive Branch runs intelligence. Blaming the minority party's involvement is cowardly and despicable.

So where does it all leave us?

We've become a nation that still segregates, that (at least in some parts of our country) falsely educates our children, and that lies to its people. That is not America.

And worse, we have become a nation that invades other nations for no good reason. We've taken over a country to benefit not the people of the country, but only the handful of people who run ours. We defend torture and have secret camps where we do so throughout eastern Europe.

That reminds me of a completely different country in a completely different time. It was a country the real America helped to defeat.

How do we handle it when we are that country?

No News Here

I have nothing to say. Nothing I write here at this moment will add value. It's just not there. It happens.

I'll write more when I actually have something to say.

On the road again

Tonight I leave once again for business travel reasons.

I'm a bit sad to have to leave Claudia and Jonathan again, but I'm energized by the weekend.

My little boy is pretty darn good at Tae Kwon Do. He's been studying it for almost a year now. He has great (and patient) instructors and Jonathan is passionate about it. He's going to be in his first tournament this coming weekend. He'll be doing breaking techniques and sparring. Yes, six-year-olds spar. It's fun to watch, I'll admit. Jonathan has an aggressive side that comes out during sparring, and he is fiercely competitive. Laid back as Claudia and I are, we cannot figure out where Jonathan gets it (please note the sarcasm dripping from the statement).

I watched him do three classes this weekend. They run them pretty hard. I'm glad. It makes for more athletic kids. His little TKD crew are all little athletes. They're all good-looking too. I figure in eight years or so, JD and his friends will be quite popular with the ladies.

Claudia had a great day on Sunday. All the neighborhood kids came down to our house on the end of the street. There were kids running in and out of the house, playing on the swings in our backyard, playing on our lawn with JD's toys, and riding bikes in the circle in front of our house. It's been a dream of hers that our house be "that house." Sunday all day it was. Claudia had as much fun as the kids. And I enjoyed every minute of it watching her, and trying not to get run over by the kids-on-wheels.

But tonight I leave again for Delaware. No more hugs till Friday. No smiles, no playing catch or watching TV or telling stories. I'll hear from Claudia how JD has dones at school and TKD class each night, but it's not the same.

Friday seems so far away.

I can't get that Cinderella song out of my head...

I'm coming home.

I've been away from my wife and my son since Sunday. For those of you without calendars, that is five days.

Anyone travelling on business knows that home is so sweet and so missed when you are away. Even in places that are exciting, like London or Hong Kong or Bogota. Business is business and home is a long way.

Add two factors: my wife and my son. Damn, I miss them both. I miss how Jonathan laughs when I tickle him. I miss how Claudia hugs me when I walk in the door. I miss his smile. I miss her kiss.

It's 4:15 now. In an hour my train will leave Grand Central Station.

It's going to be a beautiful night. I cannot wait to savor every last minute of it.

I'm coming home.

What's is so fun about that?

The outdoors.

The thrill of summiting a mountain or kayaking through whitewater. The wind and rain whipping at your face. The smell of pine in the morning.

The pain and the danger.

My best friend and I have shared numerous adventures together now and the list of injuries and illnesses on our trips is disturbing. Among them:

• one exploded appendix
• venomous bite from a brown recluse spider
• hypothermia
• dehydration
• dislocated finger

We've been caught above the alpine in a wind and rain storm at forty degrees. We've survived a really bad night in winter sleeping through ten degrees, despite everything being soaking wet. We've ran into a family of bears and a herd of buffalo - on the same day. He's fallen out of a whitewater raft and I've slipped down a mountain.

For years, people have asked us why we do such stupid things. "You're gonna get killed." "You have a child now." "Are you crazy or stupid?"

Here is my answer:

Go out there, out into the wilderness, where nature is God and we are subject to her whims. Smell the air around you. Take a look at the vegetation, the birds the animals. At night, gaze at the stars and try to imagine which three or four or five you see in the city. Listen to the leaves rustle or a chipmunk scamper.

Nothing, and I mean absolutely nothing, that man can make beats that.

Now, add the adrenaline of scaling a cliff trail, or rafting through rapids or reaching the summit of a mountain. The challenge, the risk, the enormous sense of achievement when you have reached your goal.

So now I ask, are you crazy or stupid not to do this?

Yes, with outdoor adventure comes the risk of injury and death. Here's a little secret though: with life there comes a risk of injury and death.

If you are not living life to the absolute fullest, then you are already dead.

20 Things I Must Do Before I Die

I met an old friend last night. It'd been about a year since we'd seen each other. He had a rough go of it. In the past year he discovered that he had cancer and had been forced to undergo chemotherapy and other assorted bodily traumas.

Talking with him last night reminded me that I have no idea when I'm going to die. I could get electrocuted by my computer while writing this, run over by a bus filled with loud school kids, get cancer like my friend, or die in my sleep at 97.

The point is, and I realized it again last night, I cannot dwell on it. What I can do is dwell on my living. Here are twenty things I've decided that I must do before I die. I recommend all of you write your own lists. Feel free to share them.

1. Go on an African safari
2. Climb Mount Whitney in California
3. Summit all ten 5,000 ft. peaks in northeastern United States
4. Celebrate my 50th wedding anniversary
5. Visit all the continents - including Antarctica
6. Trace my ancestry in Italy back to the middle ages
7. Get a novel published
8. Compose a concept album - words and music by me
9. Visit Alaska
10. Visit Yosemite National Park
11. Eat and drink like locals in Italy, Spain and France
12. Hike and camp with my son
13. Complete the Appalachian Trail
14. Own a second home (chalet in Vermont)
15. Write a children's book with my son
16. Have a house with a porch when I'm older for Claudia and I to sit on while we remember
17. "Retire" early
18. Learn to SCUBA
19. Sail the Caribbean with Claudia, my best friend and his wife
20. Brag to my grandchildren about my adventures and exploits

Recipes

After writing and family, I think that cooking is my favorite passion. Writing may be able to stimulate the mind, but cooking can tantalize all of your senses.

Since I do so love cooking, I've added a Recipe section to this blog. Feel free to enjoy, try things out, even post your own recipes. I'll try almost anything posted and if I like it I'll devote a good long article on it.

So happy cooking and enjoy.