The Second Best Lesson I Teach My Son
It should be obvious to everyone that the most important lesson we teach our children is the golden rule -- to treat others as we would like to be treated. It makes sense. While it is unfortunate how many parents fail to teach their children this, we must all strive towards that living standard, and instill it in our children.
The second best lesson I teach Jonathan is to finish what he has started.
I have said to him on several occasions, "You are an Anderson and Andersons do not quit." I've had to use it earlier in 2006 when Jonathan wasn't sure if he wanted to continue Tae Kwon Do. Needless to say, he has since not only continued with it, but has found enormous success.
What we teach our children is so crucial to their own roads to self-fulfillment that we must never forget the lessons we give them. That means that we cannot merely use our words to teach. We must use our actions.
Jonathan is learning never to quit by watching his parents. From simple actions like going to work every day to continuing -- as he does -- in Tae Kwon Do to completing projects he can see me do. Otherwise, they are empty words.
Finishing. It's so important to everything in life. It is what separates the successes from the excuses.
And it is the second most important thing I can teach him as a parent.
The second best lesson I teach Jonathan is to finish what he has started.
I have said to him on several occasions, "You are an Anderson and Andersons do not quit." I've had to use it earlier in 2006 when Jonathan wasn't sure if he wanted to continue Tae Kwon Do. Needless to say, he has since not only continued with it, but has found enormous success.
What we teach our children is so crucial to their own roads to self-fulfillment that we must never forget the lessons we give them. That means that we cannot merely use our words to teach. We must use our actions.
Jonathan is learning never to quit by watching his parents. From simple actions like going to work every day to continuing -- as he does -- in Tae Kwon Do to completing projects he can see me do. Otherwise, they are empty words.
Finishing. It's so important to everything in life. It is what separates the successes from the excuses.
And it is the second most important thing I can teach him as a parent.
posted by E-Luv at 12:39 PM
6 Comments:
Ok...but what are you going to say if/when he's forced to quit something -- due to circumstances beyond his controll -- even though he doesn't want to quit? - Tango
Dear Tango,
If I worried about "what if" all my life, I'd get nothing done.
A goal is set to be finished. "What if's" are merely the obstacles that life throws at you to make your goal more difficult to achieve -- and more satisfying when you do.
Although I fundamentally agree with the philosophy of not quitting, never surrender, one also has to question the wisdom on never ending perseverance, does it ultimately wind up becoming nothing more than tilting at windmills?
If it takes one standard period of time for the average group of people to accomplish something, and it takes you 2-3 standard deviations longer to accomplish the same task, is it really worth it to have accomplished it in the first place, rather than divert your energy and efforts into something that you are better at and more inclined to succeed in a more perceivably reasonable period of time.
At what point in time does something become a waste of time?
I know that I am speaking in generalities, but there is a very specific situation which I refer to, which always makes me wonder about how much one should persevere. When is it necessary to stay the course, or tack or jibe, or change directions altogether?
Jeff,
Great point. When does perserverence become foolishness?
If someone determined to walk through a wall, and every time he hit the wall he fell and got injured, we'd call him a fool for getting up and doing it again. But if that same person stopped, thought about it, and cut a hole through the wall big enough to walk through, we'd call him genius.
I believe the goal must be attainable -- no matter how high or difficult. "I'm going to learn to fly without wings or an engine" is probably not a realistic goal. But, with a goal that can be achieved, there is no reason not to continue.
This weekend, I will finish our bathroom. I have very little talent working with my hands (and I mean very little). I failed on several occasions to line up crown molding, and ultimately ripped it down in frustration. However, the goal is to finish the room, so the wainscoting, chair rail and painting will be complete (I'll be painting instead of using crown molding) and the bathroom will be finished.
Of course when you accomplish something that is not easy to you, there is always, or at least should be a huge sense of personal fulfillment.
However, the situation I refer to is probably more in the lines of doing something for someone else. For instance, if you teach Jonathan not to quit, does there come a time where he is attempting to doing something for you, because you are his father, and that is what you have taught him to do, rather than have him do something for himself.
Children, regardless of their ages (since we are both still our parents children) often want to do things because it was what their parents taughts them to do, or because we think it will please our parents, regardless of how it effects us or those around us.
Again, I fundamentally agree with your philosphy and idea to teach your son, and my children, to finish what they start, not to quit, but what is also important to instill in them is to build their own self worth, and not just try to pretend to be something they are not for Mom's or Dad's approval.
Jeff,
A great point. Children often do things to please their parents. It would be a disservice to our children if we fail to recognize that they must decide on their own what they should want and not want to do.
That said, however, I think that is an entirely different lesson to teach them. The ability -- the freedom, really -- to decide for yourself is something we all need to point out to our kids.
Remember, the concept of finishing what you started is, what I believe, the second most important lesson. But there are so many lessons we teach our kids. Everything from that crucial golden rule down to "stop picking your nose" is valuable.
Also, what may begin as finishing something to please Mom and Dad will evolve into finishing something because it's the right thing to do. As he matures, he will recognize the value of persistence and its link to success.
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