Hitting Back
A friend called me this morning to get my assessment on a situation that had happened at his boy's school bus stop. His son, a friend of my boy's, is basically a gentle kid who, like my son, studies Tae Kwon Do. In fact, they train -- and often spar -- together.
A neighborhood boy has taken a liking to pushing my friend's son. Jonathan's friend -- let's call him Jason -- has always just taken it. This morning was different. The neighborhood boy, bigger and stronger than Jason, pushed him a little harder this mornign at the bus stop. It knocked Jason's book bag right off him. Jason didn't take it this time. He immediately went into his fighting stance and proceeded to give his bully a beating.
I believe my friend had called for assurance for how he felt. This is more or less what I told him:
Jason did the right thing.
It is hardly ever a good idea to use your martial arts training to hurt another person. That goes against what students are taught. However, there are moments when it is necessary to fight. And when you are younger than a teenager, standing up to a bully is about as best a time as any to do this.
The outcome is threefold in this particular situation:
On the street where they live, there is bound to be tensions between the two families. It's only natural. It also is likely that it will fade with time. No one got really hurt. The only thing that happened was the bully received an injured pride -- and a great lesson.
Jason also learned a valuable lesson. He learned that he doesn't need to take the abuse a bully can give. He learned to stand up for himself. He learned that, if necessary, he can defend himself. What a boost of confidence!
The trifecta is that he may not have to defend himself again -- at least not with school bullies. The kid he just fought certainly won't do it again. And neither will anyone else. Word of incidents like this spreads in schools as quickly as colds and coughs. Any other students thinking about pushing around a little boy will thinking twice before pushing Jason.
I must point out that I do not condone violence. Violence is almost always unnecessary. In adults, it is abhorrant behavior. In teens it is terrifyingly tragic all to often. And it is not behavior we should encourage in children either.
That said, Jason's stand this morning -- if discussed properly with him -- can go a long way to shaping his self-esteem in the future.
And for that I am proud of him.
A neighborhood boy has taken a liking to pushing my friend's son. Jonathan's friend -- let's call him Jason -- has always just taken it. This morning was different. The neighborhood boy, bigger and stronger than Jason, pushed him a little harder this mornign at the bus stop. It knocked Jason's book bag right off him. Jason didn't take it this time. He immediately went into his fighting stance and proceeded to give his bully a beating.
I believe my friend had called for assurance for how he felt. This is more or less what I told him:
Jason did the right thing.
It is hardly ever a good idea to use your martial arts training to hurt another person. That goes against what students are taught. However, there are moments when it is necessary to fight. And when you are younger than a teenager, standing up to a bully is about as best a time as any to do this.
The outcome is threefold in this particular situation:
On the street where they live, there is bound to be tensions between the two families. It's only natural. It also is likely that it will fade with time. No one got really hurt. The only thing that happened was the bully received an injured pride -- and a great lesson.
Jason also learned a valuable lesson. He learned that he doesn't need to take the abuse a bully can give. He learned to stand up for himself. He learned that, if necessary, he can defend himself. What a boost of confidence!
The trifecta is that he may not have to defend himself again -- at least not with school bullies. The kid he just fought certainly won't do it again. And neither will anyone else. Word of incidents like this spreads in schools as quickly as colds and coughs. Any other students thinking about pushing around a little boy will thinking twice before pushing Jason.
I must point out that I do not condone violence. Violence is almost always unnecessary. In adults, it is abhorrant behavior. In teens it is terrifyingly tragic all to often. And it is not behavior we should encourage in children either.
That said, Jason's stand this morning -- if discussed properly with him -- can go a long way to shaping his self-esteem in the future.
And for that I am proud of him.
posted by E-Luv at 4:04 PM
2 Comments:
Let me start off by saying, that I agree with your assessment and "Jason" did the correct thing, and I would hope my son would utilize his martial arts training in the same situation. Hopefully Jason won't find himself in the same position again with school bullies. Everyone of your points are excellent and good reasons to teach your children as you have advocated.
However, you have failed to consider how bully's parents are going to react (or possibly overreact) to this situation. Too often, parents are unaware (or maybe too proud) of how their children act, when they are outside of their own supervision. Are bully's parents going to be as supporting of Jason's actions or do they smell money and consider suing Jason's family for emotional duress or alledged injury?
Quite frankly, I view this is a childhood problem, bullying, learing to defend oneself, and should be handled as such. (Did you see Clay's blog entry today?)Unfortunately too often parents view childhood disagreements as agrevious situations waiting to be litigated by a court of law.
I hope for Jasons sake that this does not occur, because that could send a stronger more negative message to Jason, and further empower the bully. But hey, I am just a pessimist.
Excellent point, unfortunately. We live in a society that rewards those with better lawyers.
I think, however, that Jason and his family will end up just fine in this situation. If not, you'll definitely read about it.
And, yes, I've seen Clay's blog. It looks like those two kids could have benefited from some martial arts instruction.
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